








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 341 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 323 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2964 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,978 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2102 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3527 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 1512 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2837 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,512,450 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 405 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alex Maigas | 54% | 65 |
| #2 | Flying Jaw Autist ~ Str1fe | 50% | 24 |
| #3 | Gefluister | 50% | 40 |
| #4 | MrAngryPacifist ᓚᘏᗢ | 48% | 246 |
| #5 | 𝕂𝕝𝕒𝕞𝕠 | 47% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⎝ڪے Pㅌtㅌr Fしiℂ k s | 9 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | MrAngryPacifist ᓚᘏᗢ | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Alex Maigas | 4 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | 𝕂𝕝𝕒𝕞𝕠 | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Gefluister | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrAngryPacifist ᓚᘏᗢ | 312 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #2 | ⎝ڪے Pㅌtㅌr Fしiℂ k s | 307 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #3 | 𝕂𝕝𝕒𝕞𝕠 | 225 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | Alex Maigas | 70 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Flying Jaw Autist ~ Str1fe | 59 | 0.12 | 1 min |





