








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 41 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
471 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 859 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 245 | 29% |
| Smokes | 208 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 262 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 144 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $41,158 of utility $27 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ThatOneKidBD | 56% | 77 |
| #4 | VerifiedNetWork | 55% | 55 |
| #5 | Fem-yan (she/her) | 44% | 9 |
| #6 | Fritz | 25% | 4 |
| #7 | wockstar | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ThatOneKidBD | 10 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | VerifiedNetWork | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Fritz | 3 | 0.0323 |
| #4 | Fem-yan (she/her) | 1 | 0.0060 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | VerifiedNetWork | 69 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #2 | ThatOneKidBD | 58 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #3 | Fem-yan (she/her) | 17 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #4 | wockstar | 15 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | Fritz | 10 | 0.11 | 0 min |





