








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2300 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 175 matches | 2,117 | |
| Premier | 164 matches | ||
| Faceit | 45 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 65 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5269 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,752 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6668 | 32% |
| Smokes | 4950 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 4740 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4394 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,068,874 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2135 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | p90Flashbang | 56% | 32 |
| #7 | Pärkish | 56% | 109 |
| #8 | ODDY | 48% | 79 |
| #9 | Yalla! Drickyoghurt | 44% | 97 |
| #10 | RobDob | 41% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pärkish | 15 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | cheat | 8 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | eliiiiin | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Yalla! Drickyoghurt | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | ODDY | 4 | 0.0024 |





