








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 206 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 346 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




82 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4129 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,074 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2088 | 26% |
| Smokes | 532 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 3445 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 2009 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $377,988 of utility $42 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 80 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | polly | 52% | 25 |
| #2 | Spreadsheet | 45% | 99 |
| #3 | Nitro_Hunter | 42% | 153 |
| #4 | Rose | 41% | 32 |
| #5 | JamJohn | 41% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Spreadsheet | 45% | 99 |
| #3 | Nitro_Hunter | 42% | 153 |
| #4 | Rose | 41% | 32 |
| #5 | JamJohn | 41% | 116 |
| #6 | big executive | 37% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JamJohn | 15 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | big executive | 9 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Rose | 9 | 0.0146 |
| #4 | Nitro_Hunter | 8 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | polly | 5 | 0.0097 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JamJohn | 112 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #2 | big executive | 89 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | Nitro_Hunter | 22 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #4 | Rose | 15 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | Spreadsheet | 2 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rose | +1.31 | 47 | 30 |
| #2 | polly | +1.20 | 48 | 22 |
| #3 | Peach Mk.II | +1.08 | 59 | 48 |
| #4 | JamJohn | +0.88 | 32 | 44 |
| #5 | Spreadsheet | -1.95 | 13 | 11 |





