








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 253 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 254 matches | ||
| Wingman | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3396 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,161 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3370 | 37% |
| Smokes | 2386 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1355 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2050 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,295,184 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .oskar | 48% | 21 |
| #2 | Lightning McQueen | 47% | 146 |
| #3 | KBz | 45% | 190 |
| #4 | Doc | 43% | 138 |
| #5 | m1 | 40% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .oskar | 48% | 21 |
| #2 | Lightning McQueen | 47% | 146 |
| #3 | KBz | 45% | 190 |
| #4 | Doc | 43% | 138 |
| #5 | m1 | 40% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lightning McQueen | 13 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Doc | 9 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | m1 | 7 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | KBz | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | .oskar | 3 | 0.0076 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lightning McQueen | 505 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #2 | Doc | 269 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | m1 | 156 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | .oskar | 63 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | KBz | 29 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m1 | +3.00 | 78 | 50 |
| #2 | .oskar | +2.32 | 51 | 62 |
| #3 | Lightning McQueen | +2.08 | 71 | 56 |
| #4 | Sörlin | +0.23 | 59 | 55 |
| #5 | Doc | -2.31 | 30 | 38 |





