








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 32 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
935 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,627 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 761 | 29% |
| Smokes | 738 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 468 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 660 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $189,044 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 62 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | madzu | 52% | 27 |
| #7 | Aleks | 50% | 28 |
| #8 | Crimson0ni | 45% | 20 |
| #9 | Nicho | 36% | 11 |
| #10 | minit4nk | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | E-Bony | 8 | 0.0080 |
| #2 | Aleks | 6 | 0.0097 |
| #3 | minit4nk | 5 | 0.0510 |
| #4 | Crimson0ni | 4 | 0.0097 |
| #5 | madzu | 3 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | madzu | 73 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | E-Bony | 53 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | Subj9cT | 35 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | Crimson0ni | 30 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Blizzy Glizzy | 26 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | druestar | +3.74 | 70 | 57 |
| #2 | Subj9cT | +1.87 | 88 | 38 |
| #3 | Nicho | +1.15 | 72 | 55 |
| #4 | Blizzy Glizzy | +0.92 | 65 | 66 |
| #5 | madzu | +0.87 | 76 | 55 |





