








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 233 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 264 matches | ||
| Wingman | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3062 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,904 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1139 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1972 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3541 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 2252 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,612,534 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 187 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Cuppy♥ | 48% | 248 |
| #4 | Brother Hiroki | 47% | 72 |
| #5 | Dustalope | 45% | 141 |
| #6 | Leman Russ | 45% | 74 |
| #7 | Drax | 40% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cuppy♥ | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Dustalope | 7 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Leman Russ | 7 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | The Mangolorian | 6 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | Brother Hiroki | 5 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Mangolorian | 113 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | Brother Hiroki | 102 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | Dustalope | 100 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #4 | Cuppy♥ | 57 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | Drax | 28 | 0.03 | 0 min |





