








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2787 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 192 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4109 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,051 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2698 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1860 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 788 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 1705 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,220,062 of utility $183 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3750 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Viper | 85% | 20 |
| #3 | LegendaryWombat | 82% | 51 |
| #4 | CombatWombat | 80% | 20 |
| #5 | 𝔇𝔢𝔩𝔱𝔞 | 73% | 95 |
| #6 | Mit Raffinesse in die Fresse | 71% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝔇𝔢𝔩𝔱𝔞 | 20 | 0.0121 |
| #2 | Mit Raffinesse in die Fresse | 10 | 0.0080 |
| #3 | LegendaryWombat | 9 | 0.0095 |
| #4 | CombatWombat | 2 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | Viper | 2 | 0.0056 |





