








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 594 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 293 matches | ||
| Faceit | 29 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3409 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,928 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3890 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4016 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2924 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3098 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $908,888 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 83 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .noname sn1tch | 63% | 64 |
| #2 | C H A R L I E L I E L I E L I E | 59% | 149 |
| #3 | Knochentrocken | 53% | 98 |
| #4 | begga11 | 53% | 72 |
| #5 | pietze | 52% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Kirby | 48% | 204 |
| #10 | timmuz | 47% | 101 |
| #11 | kRIZZy | 45% | 209 |
| #12 | ңekĻaЯ | 41% | 37 |
| #13 | Uufunk | 37% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kRIZZy | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Knochentrocken | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Kirby | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | timmuz | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | .noname sn1tch | 4 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | C H A R L I E L I E L I E L I E | 328 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #2 | Kirby | 306 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #3 | timmuz | 255 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | kRIZZy | 210 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #5 | Knochentrocken | 182 | 0.09 | 4 min |





