








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 231 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Premier | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 139 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
650 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,314 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1573 | 36% |
| Smokes | 965 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1655 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 121 | 3% |
Our logs show you have wasted $390,652 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 163 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Unaffiliated | 39% | 77 |
| #7 | JustAdudeChillin | 34% | 29 |
| #8 | Meikäläinen | 25% | 8 |
| #9 | coleslaw | 21% | 14 |
| #10 | Smooth Operator | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noahbug | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | carpie | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | JustAdudeChillin | 5 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | Unaffiliated | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Smooth Operator | 1 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Unaffiliated | 315 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #2 | carpie | 206 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | D卂丂丨ㄥҜㄚ | 170 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #4 | Noahbug | 91 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | JustAdudeChillin | 41 | 0.07 | 1 min |





