








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 798 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 250 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 123 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 99 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 120 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




68 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3547 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,618 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4073 | 21% |
| Smokes | 6088 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 5208 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 4249 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $676,905 of utility $46 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2381 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Noahbug | 49% | 390 |
| #7 | Smooth Operator | 45% | 60 |
| #8 | Doomie | 43% | 42 |
| #9 | Crime Pope | 39% | 109 |
| #10 | coleslaw | 35% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Unaffiliated | 33 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Noahbug | 30 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Doomie | 22 | 0.0249 |
| #4 | JustAdudeChillin | 9 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | D卂丂丨ㄥҜㄚ | 6 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Unaffiliated | 1418 | 0.17 | 29 min |
| #2 | D卂丂丨ㄥҜㄚ | 550 | 0.18 | 12 min |
| #3 | Crime Pope | 326 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | Noahbug | 269 | 0.03 | 5 min |
| #5 | JustAdudeChillin | 153 | 0.07 | 3 min |





