








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 948 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 415 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6719 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,989 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2106 | 19% |
| Smokes | 2803 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3217 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2863 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,708,277 of utility $184 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1357 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nobody | 73% | 41 |
| #2 | Elof | 71% | 34 |
| #3 | Shlajfaren | 67% | 24 |
| #4 | ✯PANDA✯ | 58% | 36 |
| #5 | Donkey | 57% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Shlajfaren | 67% | 24 |
| #4 | ✯PANDA✯ | 58% | 36 |
| #5 | Donkey | 57% | 37 |
| #6 | El Soffo | 53% | 57 |
| #7 | Gullen | 45% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nobody | 7 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | Shlajfaren | 4 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | El Soffo | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | ✯PANDA✯ | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nobody | 121 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | Donkey | 100 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | El Soffo | 82 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | ✯PANDA✯ | 70 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Gullen | 35 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pikachu ^_^ | +3.13 | 91 | 54 |
| #2 | Shlajfaren | +0.78 | 85 | 54 |
| #3 | ✯PANDA✯ | +0.09 | 34 | 61 |
| #4 | Donkey | -0.22 | 26 | 69 |
| #5 | El Soffo | -0.64 | 31 | 51 |





