








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1605 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 430 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 182 matches | ||
| Premier | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




62 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10012 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,753 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4251 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2194 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 4012 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 4296 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,742,390 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2338 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | april | 336 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #2 | matthew | 245 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #3 | blood tears | 239 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | 𝘽𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 | 170 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #5 | vincent | 105 | 0.09 | 3 min |





