








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 102 matches | ||
| Premier | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1928 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,490 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1997 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1820 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2322 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2351 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $614,223 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 189 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Unserious Sam | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | Snuf | 73% | 15 |
| #3 | woopwoop | 71% | 52 |
| #4 | nap^ | 69% | 13 |
| #5 | hur | 63% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | woopwoop | 287 | 0.27 | 7 min |
| #2 | ULTRA | 199 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | Shaff | 193 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #4 | Oozinator | 140 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | tacodad | 66 | 0.18 | 2 min |





