








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 217 matches | ||
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Wingman | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2424 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,884 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 805 | 10% |
| Smokes | 2121 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2646 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 2312 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,223,048 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Freddy | 62% | 68 |
| #2 | airon | 60% | 20 |
| #3 | hur | 53% | 60 |
| #4 | nap^ | 53% | 49 |
| #5 | Oozinator | 51% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | hur | 53% | 60 |
| #4 | nap^ | 53% | 49 |
| #5 | Oozinator | 51% | 135 |
| #6 | Doc Banshee | 51% | 53 |
| #7 | ULTRA | 47% | 268 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ULTRA | 7 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | Oozinator | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #3 | hur | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Doc Banshee | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ULTRA | 704 | 0.13 | 20 min |
| #2 | Oozinator | 454 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #3 | Freddy | 177 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | hur | 156 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | nap^ | 129 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ULTRA | +2.66 | 64 | 69 |
| #2 | hur | +1.04 | 61 | 67 |
| #3 | Freddy | +0.80 | 61 | 68 |
| #4 | airon | -1.18 | 54 | 76 |
| #5 | Oozinator | -1.35 | 62 | 60 |





