








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 140 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 74 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
971 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,272 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 435 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1054 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 787 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 996 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $386,584 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 31 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lukz | 48% | 117 |
| #2 | EmilBFS | 47% | 19 |
| #3 | Zapdicado | 45% | 44 |
| #4 | Jumper | 42% | 74 |
| #5 | Johnic | 41% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lukz | 48% | 117 |
| #2 | EmilBFS | 47% | 19 |
| #3 | Zapdicado | 45% | 44 |
| #4 | Jumper | 42% | 74 |
| #5 | Johnic | 41% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lukz | 9 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Johnic | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Zapdicado | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | Jumper | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jumper | 140 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | Johnic | 109 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | lukz | 81 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #4 | Zapdicado | 47 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | EmilBFS | 3 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lukz | +3.16 | 88 | 48 |
| #2 | Zapdicado | +0.26 | 67 | 38 |
| #3 | EmilBFS | -0.79 | 67 | 27 |
| #4 | Jumper | -1.06 | 60 | 63 |
| #5 | GgormingG | -1.88 | 36 | 50 |





