








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 720 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3496 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,519 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4252 | 34% |
| Smokes | 3296 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1845 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 3126 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $758,033 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 216 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Dez | 52% | 132 |
| #6 | Oof... | 50% | 36 |
| #7 | ヨシ?? | 48% | 113 |
| #8 | Microsoft Excel | 47% | 17 |
| #9 | Osama Bean Laden | 43% | 132 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ヨシ?? | 17 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | 啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊 | 12 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | Osama Bean Laden | 9 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | Dez | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Oof... | 5 | 0.0071 |





