








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 531 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 365 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3492 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,758 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5082 | 37% |
| Smokes | 5205 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 2097 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1374 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,047,260 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 117 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A | 58% | 177 |
| #2 | ちひろさん ™ | 56% | 43 |
| #3 | belcher® | 48% | 52 |
| #4 | SoGhey | 48% | 400 |
| #5 | Polnke | 47% | 238 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | belcher® | 48% | 52 |
| #4 | SoGhey | 48% | 400 |
| #5 | Polnke | 47% | 238 |
| #6 | POCHAI4LYFE | 45% | 84 |
| #7 | Brobi Wan | 40% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SoGhey | 45 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Polnke | 21 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | A | 10 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | POCHAI4LYFE | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Brobi Wan | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SoGhey | 1169 | 0.14 | 25 min |
| #2 | Polnke | 963 | 0.19 | 21 min |
| #3 | POCHAI4LYFE | 345 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #4 | A | 239 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #5 | ちひろさん ™ | 168 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | belcher® | +2.45 | 61 | 60 |
| #2 | A | +1.29 | 58 | 53 |
| #3 | ちひろさん ™ | +0.91 | 47 | 69 |
| #4 | SoGhey | +0.29 | 39 | 61 |
| #5 | POCHAI4LYFE | +0.23 | 55 | 57 |





