








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1106 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 654 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 62 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




84 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6110 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,234 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7159 | 24% |
| Smokes | 5800 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 9201 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 8074 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $549,449 of utility $34 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1358 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ちひろさん ™ | 52% | 98 |
| #2 | A | 52% | 320 |
| #3 | POCHAI4LYFE | 49% | 208 |
| #4 | Polnke | 48% | 377 |
| #5 | EVO | 48% | 400 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | POCHAI4LYFE | 49% | 208 |
| #4 | Polnke | 48% | 377 |
| #5 | EVO | 48% | 400 |
| #6 | belcher® | 47% | 68 |
| #7 | Brobi Wan | 46% | 122 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EVO | 36 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Polnke | 26 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | A | 17 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | POCHAI4LYFE | 13 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Brobi Wan | 7 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Polnke | 1540 | 0.20 | 34 min |
| #2 | EVO | 911 | 0.11 | 17 min |
| #3 | POCHAI4LYFE | 910 | 0.21 | 23 min |
| #4 | Brobi Wan | 487 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #5 | A | 453 | 0.07 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | belcher® | +2.07 | 66 | 58 |
| #2 | A | +1.06 | 56 | 52 |
| #3 | ちひろさん ™ | +0.73 | 49 | 69 |
| #4 | POCHAI4LYFE | +0.41 | 53 | 58 |
| #5 | SoGhey | +0.06 | 39 | 61 |





