








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 609 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 377 matches | ||
| Premier | 290 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6020 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,949 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5615 | 26% |
| Smokes | 7102 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 4707 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 4525 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,775,447 of utility $177 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 333 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Harp | 52% | 187 |
| #2 | Dempsey | 51% | 80 |
| #3 | GodOfKings | 50% | 377 |
| #4 | Big Wag | 46% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Harp | 52% | 187 |
| #2 | Dempsey | 51% | 80 |
| #3 | GodOfKings | 50% | 377 |
| #4 | Big Wag | 46% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GodOfKings | 11 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | Harp | 8 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Dempsey | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Big Wag | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GodOfKings | 1324 | 0.16 | 30 min |
| #2 | Harp | 704 | 0.17 | 18 min |
| #3 | Big Wag | 145 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | Dempsey | 108 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GodOfKings | +1.47 | 81 | 64 |
| #2 | Dempsey | +1.11 | 79 | 51 |
| #3 | Harp | +0.10 | 72 | 69 |
| #4 | Big Wag | -0.05 | 71 | 58 |
| #5 | Donnie Trump | -0.34 | 41 | 58 |





