








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 97 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
320 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,948 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 649 | 33% |
| Smokes | 584 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 401 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 314 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $207,461 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 64 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the groper | 54% | 13 |
| #2 | Ostrich_Lover267 | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Ductaculas | 33% | 18 |
| #4 | Cheese Addict | 31% | 16 |
| #5 | regginald | 23% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the groper | 54% | 13 |
| #2 | Ostrich_Lover267 | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Ductaculas | 33% | 18 |
| #4 | Cheese Addict | 31% | 16 |
| #5 | regginald | 23% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ductaculas | 4 | 0.0110 |
| #2 | regginald | 2 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | Ostrich_Lover267 | 2 | 0.0109 |
| #4 | the groper | 1 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ductaculas | 53 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | Cheese Addict | 32 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | the groper | 23 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | regginald | 19 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | Ostrich_Lover267 | 15 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ductaculas | +5.37 | 75 | 67 |
| #2 | the groper | +0.06 | 46 | 50 |
| #3 | regginald | -0.52 | 53 | 68 |
| #4 | Bugly69 | -1.33 | 18 | 60 |
| #5 | Cheese Addict | -3.48 | 46 | 49 |





