








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1490 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 544 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 104 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 50 matches | ||
| Faceit | 46 matches | ||
| Wingman | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 63 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11119 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,398 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6064 | 26% |
| Smokes | 5858 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 6256 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 5220 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,320,639 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1453 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Feet Guy | 58% | 189 |
| #2 | Frant1c | 55% | 67 |
| #3 | Shade | 54% | 63 |
| #4 | Big Long John | 50% | 111 |
| #5 | MMMMMMMMMM Chicken | 50% | 111 |





