








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 60 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
712 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,308 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 362 | 16% |
| Smokes | 823 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 581 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 542 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $406,100 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Helen Keller Driving School | 59% | 92 |
| #4 | s1lentk1ll12345 | 57% | 99 |
| #5 | Henlo Am Terrorist | 55% | 11 |
| #6 | Mind Goblin | 54% | 108 |
| #7 | Obunga2K | 53% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helen Keller Driving School | 7 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Mind Goblin | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Obunga2K | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | s1lentk1ll12345 | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | King Julien | 3 | 0.0200 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helen Keller Driving School | 355 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #2 | Obunga2K | 181 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | Mind Goblin | 177 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | s1lentk1ll12345 | 166 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Henlo Am Terrorist | 64 | 0.27 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s1lentk1ll12345 | +3.92 | 83 | 51 |
| #2 | Helen Keller Driving School | +3.01 | 93 | 64 |
| #3 | Henlo Am Terrorist | -0.05 | 73 | 69 |
| #4 | Obunga2K | -0.71 | 75 | 50 |
| #5 | Half eaten Nick Gurr | -0.91 | 68 | 36 |





