








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 300 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2433 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,677 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1255 | 16% |
| Smokes | 2507 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2334 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1581 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $734,548 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | big guyern | 59% | 46 |
| #2 | Bluesy | 50% | 24 |
| #3 | imthecleanup | 49% | 61 |
| #4 | Richard Balsmasher | 46% | 193 |
| #5 | Sir Bouncingcream Sloppentop | 45% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Sir Bouncingcream Sloppentop | 45% | 109 |
| #6 | Chicken Joe | 45% | 29 |
| #7 | CALLOFDUTYBOSS2 | 40% | 113 |
| #8 | Babushka Lady | 38% | 65 |
| #9 | duolingo dad | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sir Bouncingcream Sloppentop | 28 | 0.0129 |
| #2 | CALLOFDUTYBOSS2 | 20 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | big guyern | 8 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | Babushka Lady | 6 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | imthecleanup | 5 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CALLOFDUTYBOSS2 | 443 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #2 | big guyern | 163 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | Babushka Lady | 143 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | Sir Bouncingcream Sloppentop | 134 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | imthecleanup | 104 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | big guyern | +4.04 | 52 | 55 |
| #2 | imthecleanup | +1.35 | 63 | 48 |
| #3 | CALLOFDUTYBOSS2 | +1.18 | 51 | 53 |
| #4 | Chad Rasher | +0.30 | 50 | 50 |
| #5 | duolingo dad | +0.21 | 51 | 24 |





