








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
837 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,843 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1021 | 36% |
| Smokes | 736 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 668 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 418 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $431,242 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 229 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ♥︎Bastet's #1 Fanboy | 43% | 35 |
| #6 | Wombis | 42% | 19 |
| #7 | Dave | 40% | 10 |
| #8 | JadeXO | 39% | 41 |
| #9 | Hanabi Aero | 24% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JadeXO | 11 | 0.0128 |
| #2 | ♥︎Bastet's #1 Fanboy | 10 | 0.0141 |
| #3 | Wombis | 7 | 0.0187 |
| #4 | PepperSpeck | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | Dave | 5 | 0.0255 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♥︎Bastet's #1 Fanboy | 102 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | Zeraia | 100 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | PepperSpeck | 67 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | JadeXO | 52 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Dave | 31 | 0.16 | 0 min |





