








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 200 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 228 matches | ||
| Wingman | 212 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 121 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 19 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 82 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




71 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7940 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,465 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6503 | 22% |
| Smokes | 10980 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 4222 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 7760 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,096,630 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12132 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Powered by Lovense :3 | 57% | 104 |
| #2 | JinouGa | 56% | 176 |
| #3 | FRIENDSHIP | 54% | 230 |
| #4 | Caboose | 49% | 75 |
| #5 | ♥︎Bastet's #1 Fanboy | 46% | 370 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♥︎Bastet's #1 Fanboy | 94 | 0.0128 |
| #2 | Powered by Lovense :3 | 24 | 0.0123 |
| #3 | CAPTAIN BEEPBOP | 16 | 0.0101 |
| #4 | JinouGa | 11 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | PepperSpeck | 10 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♥︎Bastet's #1 Fanboy | 1431 | 0.20 | 30 min |
| #2 | FRIENDSHIP | 399 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #3 | Caboose | 232 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #4 | PepperSpeck | 143 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | CAPTAIN BEEPBOP | 103 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Powered by Lovense :3 | +4.53 | 75 | 25 |
| #2 | ♥︎Bastet's #1 Fanboy | +4.47 | 73 | 52 |
| #3 | JinouGa | +2.39 | 49 | 33 |
| #4 | Caboose | +1.32 | 19 | 57 |
| #5 | FRIENDSHIP | +1.26 | 58 | 53 |





