








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 50 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 24 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
429 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,350 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 569 | 42% |
| Smokes | 353 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 211 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 217 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $111,878 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dynamite | 86% | 7 |
| #2 | jack | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | cap | 52% | 21 |
| #4 | Mini Nuss | 52% | 27 |
| #5 | Clout | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Solanum | 3 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | cap | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Batman Daddy | 1 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | whisk | 1 | 0.0078 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mini Nuss | 65 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | Dynamite | 19 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | Batman Daddy | 18 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #4 | Mikul Keng | 15 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #5 | Clout | 12 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Monkey Acknowledger | +2.84 | 53 | 66 |
| #2 | Burning | +1.31 | 66 | 44 |
| #3 | Liro | +0.56 | 61 | 12 |
| #4 | Dynamite | +0.03 | 27 | 72 |
| #5 | Clout | -0.09 | 69 | 51 |





