










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 963 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 180 matches | 1,484 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 132 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 118 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 77 matches | ||
| Premier | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 50 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




82 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4489 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,248 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3901 | 29% |
| Smokes | 742 | 6% |
| HE Grenades | 5597 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 3008 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,226,365 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1654 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...





