








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 115 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1616 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,337 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 222 | 7% |
| Smokes | 621 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1402 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 1092 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $245,166 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ryan Jack | 55% | 149 |
| #2 | MORNING WOOD | 54% | 13 |
| #3 | Trackpad Warrior | 50% | 20 |
| #4 | PEMBINA UPACARA | 50% | 36 |
| #5 | tadashi | 48% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ryan Jack | 55% | 149 |
| #2 | MORNING WOOD | 54% | 13 |
| #3 | Trackpad Warrior | 50% | 20 |
| #4 | PEMBINA UPACARA | 50% | 36 |
| #5 | tadashi | 48% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ryan Jack | 23 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | PEMBINA UPACARA | 4 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | tadashi | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Trackpad Warrior | 3 | 0.0077 |
| #5 | MORNING WOOD | 1 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ryan Jack | 327 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | tadashi | 50 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #3 | Trackpad Warrior | 31 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | MORNING WOOD | 4 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MORNING WOOD | +5.09 | 95 | 7 |
| #2 | PEMBINA UPACARA | +3.07 | 93 | 2 |
| #3 | Yamada神 | +0.48 | 75 | 37 |
| #4 | Ryan Jack | +0.01 | 50 | 37 |
| #5 | Trackpad Warrior | -1.32 | 73 | 40 |





