








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 41 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 1 map

Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
112 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 590 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 220 | 37% |
| Smokes | 198 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 154 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 18 | 3% |
Our logs show you have wasted $59,236 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tijon | 40% | 5 |
| #2 | Jijon | 31% | 16 |
| #3 | Kijon | 25% | 4 |
| #4 | Cijon | 20% | 10 |
| #5 | Eijon | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jijon | 3 | 0.0095 |





