








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 128 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
919 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,729 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 306 | 8% |
| Smokes | 1814 | 49% |
| HE Grenades | 1088 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 521 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $129,521 of utility $38 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nidvana | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | tomten | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | 我得了脑癌 | 49% | 136 |
| #4 | Wolf | 48% | 27 |
| #5 | Sushi Yama | 47% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | 我得了脑癌 | 49% | 136 |
| #4 | Wolf | 48% | 27 |
| #5 | Sushi Yama | 47% | 34 |
| #6 | Grodan Boll | 45% | 60 |
| #7 | Harakiri Jesper | 21% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 我得了脑癌 | 17 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | Sushi Yama | 6 | 0.0094 |
| #3 | Grodan Boll | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Harakiri Jesper | 3 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 我得了脑癌 | 243 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #2 | Grodan Boll | 117 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | Harakiri Jesper | 59 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Sushi Yama | 31 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | tomten | 15 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nidvana | +4.27 | 58 | 42 |
| #2 | Wolf | +3.09 | 60 | 32 |
| #3 | Grodan Boll | +2.34 | 50 | 32 |
| #4 | 我得了脑癌 | +1.39 | 59 | 43 |
| #5 | tomten | -0.19 | 51 | 40 |





