










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 69 matches | ||
| Premier | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1575 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,726 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2041 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1851 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2069 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1765 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $615,908 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 119 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poli | 55% | 74 |
| #2 | José Mourinho | 54% | 69 |
| #3 | ZALAZAZA | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | Sink Bartender Guy | 46% | 41 |
| #5 | WONGA | 41% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | José Mourinho | 54% | 69 |
| #3 | ZALAZAZA | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | Sink Bartender Guy | 46% | 41 |
| #5 | WONGA | 41% | 17 |
| #6 | horny4stinkypits | 41% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | horny4stinkypits | 12 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | José Mourinho | 10 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | ZALAZAZA | 4 | 0.0089 |
| #4 | poli | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Sink Bartender Guy | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | horny4stinkypits | 132 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | José Mourinho | 125 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | poli | 74 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Sink Bartender Guy | 28 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | ZALAZAZA | 24 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | José Mourinho | +1.21 | 54 | 63 |
| #2 | poli | +1.14 | 71 | 27 |
| #3 | horny4stinkypits | +0.61 | 52 | 51 |
| #4 | ZALAZAZA | +0.15 | 63 | 44 |
| #5 | ☆𝓹𝓪𝓵𝓪𝓼☆ | -0.38 | 54 | 54 |





