








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 325 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 394 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Faceit | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 50 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6196 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,764 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3401 | 20% |
| Smokes | 4448 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5697 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 3218 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,923,343 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 476 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | H | 59% | 44 |
| #2 | ☆𝓹𝓪𝓵𝓪𝓼☆ | 54% | 69 |
| #3 | Maximus Konfuzius | 53% | 155 |
| #4 | WONGA | 49% | 85 |
| #5 | Poli2K | 49% | 133 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ☆𝓹𝓪𝓵𝓪𝓼☆ | 54% | 69 |
| #3 | Maximus Konfuzius | 53% | 155 |
| #4 | WONGA | 49% | 85 |
| #5 | Poli2K | 49% | 133 |
| #6 | El grueso S1mplé | 49% | 234 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | El grueso S1mplé | 20 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Maximus Konfuzius | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | H | 6 | 0.0065 |
| #4 | Poli2K | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | ☆𝓹𝓪𝓵𝓪𝓼☆ | 3 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | El grueso S1mplé | 448 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #2 | ☆𝓹𝓪𝓵𝓪𝓼☆ | 259 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #3 | Poli2K | 205 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | WONGA | 132 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Maximus Konfuzius | 115 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | H | +2.85 | 67 | 48 |
| #2 | bad freestyler | +1.51 | 65 | 62 |
| #3 | El grueso S1mplé | +0.98 | 53 | 60 |
| #4 | Poli2K | +0.01 | 72 | 49 |
| #5 | ☆𝓹𝓪𝓵𝓪𝓼☆ | -0.80 | 58 | 64 |





