








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 81 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1278 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,147 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1319 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1224 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1233 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1371 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $492,637 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 130 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | jacob | 41% | 17 |
| #8 | Kitty | 40% | 135 |
| #9 | Dumpster Dave | 39% | 31 |
| #10 | Chupeño | 37% | 30 |
| #11 | SwiftBreeze | 23% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitty | 24 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | seotron | 12 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | Key is Cat | 5 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | jacob | 2 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | SwiftBreeze | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitty | 383 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #2 | SwiftBreeze | 89 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | Dumpster Dave | 67 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Key is Cat | 60 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | seotron | 35 | 0.02 | 1 min |





