








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 459 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 260 matches | ||
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2672 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,516 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5481 | 41% |
| Smokes | 2842 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2133 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 3060 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $538,810 of utility $71 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 413 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Paparonalds | 44% | 25 |
| #7 | Lysergisk | 41% | 37 |
| #8 | jonplae | 38% | 32 |
| #9 | slosoa | 35% | 23 |
| #10 | Swarley | 22% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paparonalds | 4 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | Vikdal | 4 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | RiFF RAFF - $ | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Mao Zedong | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Swarley | 2 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RiFF RAFF - $ | 236 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #2 | Mao Zedong | 68 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | slosoa | 56 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Swarley | 55 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Lysergisk | 46 | 0.06 | 1 min |





