








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 116 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 51 matches | ||
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 23 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2595 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 349 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 79 | 23% |
| Smokes | 80 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 84 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 106 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $84,302 of utility $8 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | OniNagato | 49% | 43 |
| #8 | Bunny | 48% | 125 |
| #9 | nuup | 46% | 119 |
| #10 | Andawooder | 46% | 35 |
| #11 | Epitact | 44% | 291 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bunny | 42 | 0.0166 |
| #2 | nuup | 8 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | zBugi | 7 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | Phillipp Amthor | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | Alice Weidel | 4 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nuup | 200 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | Bunny | 185 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | Brettinger | 148 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | wuidwuid | 143 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | OniNagato | 85 | 0.10 | 2 min |





