








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 260 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 174 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2964 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,565 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1695 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1155 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1482 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1233 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $863,903 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 44 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ブアジン | 70% | 23 |
| #2 | MNR9 | 57% | 89 |
| #3 | LtN | 57% | 166 |
| #4 | pnb | 56% | 77 |
| #5 | Picard | 55% | 164 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LtN | 15 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | MNR9 | 9 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | ANCESTRAL | 8 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Picard | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | pnb | 3 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Picard | 1231 | 0.36 | 32 min |
| #2 | ANCESTRAL | 802 | 0.27 | 17 min |
| #3 | LtN | 674 | 0.19 | 18 min |
| #4 | pnb | 321 | 0.20 | 10 min |
| #5 | MNR9 | 194 | 0.10 | 6 min |





