








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 242 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 203 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3095 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,983 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2399 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3093 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2287 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2204 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $259,178 of utility $48 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 248 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZebrA | 71% | 17 |
| #2 | ᄂӨЯD FΣDƧMӨKΣЯ | 57% | 53 |
| #3 | RewardingPie | 55% | 38 |
| #4 | Roland 3.0 | 55% | 100 |
| #5 | BigSad | 53% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | BigSad | 53% | 60 |
| #6 | _Knoxy | 53% | 134 |
| #7 | DoodleBlob | 51% | 90 |
| #8 | James Moore | 50% | 92 |
| #9 | Frothy Discharge Doctor | 46% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | _Knoxy | 12 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | James Moore | 10 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | BigSad | 9 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | Roland 3.0 | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | ᄂӨЯD FΣDƧMӨKΣЯ | 4 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigSad | 258 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #2 | ᄂӨЯD FΣDƧMӨKΣЯ | 179 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #3 | _Knoxy | 133 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | James Moore | 96 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Roland 3.0 | 84 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Geoff | +6.06 | 77 | 55 |
| #2 | ZebrA | +0.19 | 34 | 35 |
| #3 | DoodleBlob | -1.03 | 37 | 36 |
| #4 | Frothy Discharge Doctor | -1.21 | 49 | 43 |
| #5 | BigSad | -1.25 | 49 | 58 |





