








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 336 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1304 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,676 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1355 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1070 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 426 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 825 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $416,831 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 83 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Benny | 3 | 0.0082 |
| #2 | Amoeba Slime | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | Rhabby_v | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | tropical red bull | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Iceman No More Niceman | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Amoeba Slime | 259 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #2 | tropical red bull | 203 | 0.30 | 8 min |
| #3 | Iceman No More Niceman | 103 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Droopie | 72 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | duce | 65 | 0.22 | 1 min |





