








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 545 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 129 matches | ||
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2946 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,881 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3021 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1681 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 3437 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 742 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,278,571 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 247 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoddse | 56% | 32 |
| #2 | KZ_RAD | 55% | 22 |
| #3 | Useless | 55% | 44 |
| #4 | MisterCamper | 52% | 27 |
| #5 | NorahBorah | 51% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Kank Juan-jænpièrre⛴⛟ | 42% | 190 |
| #9 | Kank Koffie-jænpièrre⛴⛟✈ | 41% | 241 |
| #10 | WezzNCo @ Eating Eggs | 32% | 31 |
| #11 | Asuna | 30% | 70 |
| #12 | Bablo | 15% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kank Koffie-jænpièrre⛴⛟✈ | 129 | 0.0269 |
| #2 | Kank Juan-jænpièrre⛴⛟ | 68 | 0.0177 |
| #3 | Asuna | 40 | 0.0295 |
| #4 | J | 33 | 0.0363 |
| #5 | WezzNCo @ Eating Eggs | 6 | 0.0097 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Useless | 169 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #2 | Hoddse | 132 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #3 | Kank Koffie-jænpièrre⛴⛟✈ | 124 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #4 | MorDi | 122 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Asuna | 102 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoddse | +6.02 | 73 | 62 |
| #2 | Useless | +3.41 | 67 | 55 |
| #3 | KZ_RAD | +1.36 | 58 | 19 |
| #4 | MisterCamper | +0.77 | 37 | 11 |
| #5 | WezzNCo @ Eating Eggs | +0.61 | 36 | 47 |





