










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 248 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 230 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2540 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,221 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2257 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3324 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 830 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 2810 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $859,311 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 121 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | roxie | 50% | 18 |
| #2 | Zakawy | 45% | 249 |
| #3 | meShoO | 44% | 25 |
| #4 | SexySlav | 43% | 207 |
| #5 | misslovesick | 43% | 267 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | meShoO | 44% | 25 |
| #4 | SexySlav | 43% | 207 |
| #5 | misslovesick | 43% | 267 |
| #6 | ⚡ℳσℛƭƴ ϛɱɨϮɧ⚡ | 38% | 24 |
| #7 | wizwaz. | 38% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SexySlav | 34 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | Zakawy | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | misslovesick | 4 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | meShoO | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | ⚡ℳσℛƭƴ ϛɱɨϮɧ⚡ | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zakawy | 1035 | 0.20 | 26 min |
| #2 | SexySlav | 605 | 0.14 | 16 min |
| #3 | misslovesick | 337 | 0.06 | 10 min |
| #4 | meShoO | 155 | 0.29 | 4 min |
| #5 | wizwaz. | 134 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SexySlav | +5.17 | 94 | 60 |
| #2 | Zakawy | +2.83 | 85 | 65 |
| #3 | wizwaz. | +0.35 | 76 | 57 |
| #4 | roxie | -0.34 | 67 | 52 |
| #5 | meShoO | -0.36 | 69 | 61 |





