








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 816 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 310 matches | ||
| Premier | 202 matches | ||
| Esplay | 22 matches | 2,106 | |
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7538 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,099 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9328 | 40% |
| Smokes | 5715 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4965 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3091 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,426,565 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 166 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TiWAZ | 67% | 126 |
| #2 | BeN | 62% | 47 |
| #3 | David's cock | 59% | 32 |
| #4 | Jocke447 | 58% | 43 |
| #5 | R£@Kz | 58% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | WatuZ | 57% | 194 |
| #7 | Bombardillo Coccodrillo | 56% | 90 |
| #8 | ice ice | 55% | 93 |
| #9 | Strider | 54% | 290 |
| #10 | JoSSoN | 52% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Strider | 5 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | Bombardillo Coccodrillo | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | WatuZ | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | R£@Kz | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | TiWAZ | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Strider | 1075 | 0.17 | 27 min |
| #2 | WatuZ | 439 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #3 | TiWAZ | 399 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #4 | R£@Kz | 355 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #5 | ice ice | 213 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TiWAZ | +2.91 | 90 | 72 |
| #2 | Jocke447 | +2.38 | 87 | 67 |
| #3 | chucka | +1.61 | 85 | 74 |
| #4 | David's cock | +1.25 | 87 | 60 |
| #5 | WatuZ | +0.57 | 83 | 54 |





