








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
825 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,861 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1182 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1257 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 303 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 1119 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $311,117 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #21 | ibao | 42% | 12 |
| #22 | Hippologist | 40% | 10 |
| #23 | P4tricStar | 40% | 10 |
| #24 | SLT2k | 27% | 11 |
| #25 | (づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ Kys | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 欧洲顶级突破口-FywOo | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | Wyime | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | NuoAlan | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | leeremenge | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Kanade | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 欧洲顶级突破口-FywOo | 145 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | leeremenge | 122 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #3 | ጿኈቼዽጿኈቼዽAnyway | 90 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #4 | Kanade | 68 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | ibao | 67 | 0.27 | 2 min |





