








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 143 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




50 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2478 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,308 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 515 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1586 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 1330 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 877 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $807,806 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vok | 37 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | Fentmaxxer G.Floyd 2552020 | 36 | 0.0096 |
| #3 | LERRSSSI!!! | 23 | 0.0107 |
| #4 | -_PERCS_- | 16 | 0.0115 |
| #5 | tuketzki | 13 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vok | 687 | 0.17 | 16 min |
| #2 | tuketzki | 373 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #3 | LERRSSSI!!! | 265 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | Fentmaxxer G.Floyd 2552020 | 197 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #5 | -blank- | 191 | 0.09 | 5 min |





