








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 400 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 205 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2118 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,164 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1505 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1920 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1135 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1604 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,194,689 of utility $234 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 103 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DirtyDan200 | 65% | 20 |
| #2 | i use arch btw | 57% | 40 |
| #3 | yungbrews | 55% | 42 |
| #4 | DONNY2024MAGA | 53% | 102 |
| #5 | Blonde Jezus | 52% | 130 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DONNY2024MAGA | 14 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | Blonde Jezus | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | ya muddas shmutz | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | yungbrews | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | i use arch btw | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ya muddas shmutz | 357 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #2 | Blonde Jezus | 150 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #3 | DONNY2024MAGA | 138 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | DirtyDan200 | 100 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #5 | i use arch btw | 92 | 0.11 | 2 min |





