








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 40 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
825 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,718 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 547 | 32% |
| Smokes | 563 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 286 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 322 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $327,445 of utility $199 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 76 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | anecd0te | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | DONNY2024MAGA | 61% | 36 |
| #3 | ya muddas shmutz | 59% | 51 |
| #4 | CupFish | 57% | 40 |
| #5 | Blonde Jezus | 53% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | CupFish | 57% | 40 |
| #5 | Blonde Jezus | 53% | 34 |
| #6 | yungbrews | 44% | 16 |
| #7 | DirtyDan200 | 40% | 5 |
| #8 | Duck | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CupFish | 4 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | ya muddas shmutz | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | DONNY2024MAGA | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Blonde Jezus | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | yungbrews | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ya muddas shmutz | 123 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #2 | CupFish | 94 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | DONNY2024MAGA | 60 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | Blonde Jezus | 40 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | DirtyDan200 | 19 | 0.20 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DONNY2024MAGA | +3.23 | 66 | 58 |
| #2 | Blonde Jezus | +1.79 | 62 | 54 |
| #3 | anecd0te | +1.73 | 63 | 64 |
| #4 | CupFish | +0.99 | 56 | 43 |
| #5 | i use arch btw | +0.39 | 68 | 49 |





