








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 124 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
611 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 953 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 202 | 21% |
| Smokes | 381 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 88 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 282 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $170,596 of utility $199 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 142 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | VERY NEARLY MIKE | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | Howard | 52% | 27 |
| #3 | Tuntalunta | 50% | 36 |
| #4 | Lard | 45% | 11 |
| #5 | Y u n g M e m e 美 学 | 45% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Y u n g M e m e 美 学 | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Howard | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Howard | 50 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | Tuntalunta | 30 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #3 | Y u n g M e m e 美 学 | 18 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | VERY NEARLY MIKE | 11 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | Lard | 9 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Huncho | +6.55 | 88 | 48 |
| #2 | VERY NEARLY MIKE | +4.19 | 89 | 73 |
| #3 | Howard | -1.58 | 52 | 54 |
| #4 | Tuntalunta | -1.58 | 44 | 26 |
| #5 | Lard | -1.73 | 32 | 42 |





