










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 167 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3033 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,886 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2040 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2959 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 981 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 1906 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $886,517 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 98 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cookie | 56% | 117 |
| #2 | HEHE~ Lapicus | 54% | 54 |
| #3 | Co | 52% | 137 |
| #4 | Depression ✔ | 50% | 32 |
| #5 | Nico | 47% | 97 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | HEHE~ Lapicus | 54% | 54 |
| #3 | Co | 52% | 137 |
| #4 | Depression ✔ | 50% | 32 |
| #5 | Nico | 47% | 97 |
| #6 | edshot machine | 39% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nico | 9 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | edshot machine | 6 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | Cookie | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | HEHE~ Lapicus | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Co | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nico | 242 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #2 | Cookie | 231 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | Co | 191 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #4 | edshot machine | 88 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | HEHE~ Lapicus | 80 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jaydub | +1.28 | 82 | 62 |
| #2 | Co | +0.53 | 80 | 43 |
| #3 | HEHE~ Lapicus | -0.07 | 65 | 51 |
| #4 | Nico | -0.18 | 80 | 56 |
| #5 | Cookie | -0.86 | 61 | 62 |





