










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 121 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
969 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,492 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 175 | 5% |
| Smokes | 677 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1459 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 1181 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $715,032 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 53 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gooby | 58% | 33 |
| #2 | Leonard Powers | 44% | 63 |
| #3 | anti | 41% | 199 |
| #4 | DonTrexoul | 41% | 59 |
| #5 | Onkel Robibi | 31% | 108 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | anti | 41% | 199 |
| #4 | DonTrexoul | 41% | 59 |
| #5 | Onkel Robibi | 31% | 108 |
| #6 | Blubberbernd | 29% | 68 |
| #7 | Spicy Beef Ramen | 19% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | anti | 8 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Leonard Powers | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Spicy Beef Ramen | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Blubberbernd | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Onkel Robibi | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Onkel Robibi | 207 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #2 | Blubberbernd | 149 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | DonTrexoul | 129 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Leonard Powers | 66 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Spicy Beef Ramen | 25 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gooby | +4.17 | 83 | 34 |
| #2 | DonTrexoul | +4.09 | 92 | 49 |
| #3 | Blubberbernd | +2.44 | 70 | 63 |
| #4 | Leonard Powers | +1.77 | 47 | 57 |
| #5 | anti | -0.33 | 41 | 29 |





