








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 162 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
1218 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,120 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1268 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1493 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 553 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 1806 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $673,867 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 71 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sure Lock Homes | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | Mr. Cluckers | 53% | 38 |
| #3 | Theseus | 51% | 72 |
| #4 | Louie | 50% | 28 |
| #5 | jayk | 49% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Theseus | 51% | 72 |
| #4 | Louie | 50% | 28 |
| #5 | jayk | 49% | 35 |
| #6 | Bread | 46% | 50 |
| #7 | Ryder | 46% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ryder | 5 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Theseus | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Bread | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Sure Lock Homes | 3 | 0.0113 |
| #5 | Louie | 2 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ryder | 324 | 0.25 | 11 min |
| #2 | Theseus | 248 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #3 | Bread | 136 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | Mr. Cluckers | 53 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | jayk | 39 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ryder | +2.68 | 74 | 77 |
| #2 | Theseus | +1.61 | 76 | 62 |
| #3 | jayk | +0.43 | 65 | 61 |
| #4 | Louie | -0.11 | 48 | 50 |
| #5 | Sure Lock Homes | -0.45 | 54 | 38 |





